Where The Scary Aging Alone Stuff Lives

My name is Gail, and I’m a woman aging alone.

There. Said it. Done. No earth opening up and swallowing me. No plague of locusts blackening the air. Whew! So far so good.

How about you? Are you a woman who is aging alone? Are you a woman who expects you’ll some day end up aging and alone? And are you worried by the prospects?

Can you admit to it . . without glancing over your shoulder to check on the swarming locusts?

Of course admitting to it and living it are two different animals, aren’t they?

One is just words.

The other . . well . . let’s just say the other carries a lot of history and layer upon layer of beliefs, assumptions,  and social-moldy molding-type-stuff whose seeming purpose down through history has been to tell you and me (us) of our place in – yet outside of, the social order . . and then to make sure we stay stuck there.

I don’t know about you, but I tend not to stick in other people’s stuff . . particularly stuff created to limit my options and opportunities to keep growing as I get ever older.

Yep, they can keep their fears – preferably to themselves. I have more than enough of my own to keep me busy, thank you. And that’s what I’m going to share with you today.

Today, I’m officially welcoming you into my heady fear and worry place  – my imagination – the source of what may or may not lie in store for me as I grow older alone.

Nothing particularly earth-shattering in here . . just my inner sur-reality.

I’m going to give you a real quick tour of some of the places and slippery slopes in my head where simple imaginings get the care and attention they need to grow into true monstrosities in my thoughts of aging alone.

And I’m going to do this for a couple of reasons:

1. I’m just like you . . and I want you to know it; and
2. I want you to see how and where my aging alone crazy-making does some of its best growing, so you can get a better idea of how and where it’s happening with you.

I mean, in all honesty, I can’t in good conscience ask you to throw the doors wide on the parts of your aging that worry and torment you without turning those same tables on myself.

And I figure it’s more than time for me to unlock the door to my scary places. Let’s get some fresh air moving through . . in the name of all that’s good (even in what we fear) and to be fully lived in life’s second half.

Are you ready for this little adventure? Okay, let’s do it.

Where the Scary Aging Alone Stuff Lives

When it comes to aging – alone or otherwise – the issues that scare me . . you . . US come from two basic places. And the ways we respond have a lot to do with the source (where the scary stuff lives).

These aren’t physical places. Yet, they most definitely ARE “real” places – places we go and tap into when we’re in the mood or mindset to be scared . . or to reject the fear we’re feeling.

The first of these is “Deep” (i.e., the core of who we are, and how we got to be who we are).

And the second of these appear our of somewhere or nowhere and take up brief residence at the “Surface” of our imaginative thought.

Each has a role to play in the many ways we internalize the meaning of all it is to be a woman aging alone. See how they fit you . . and how you fit your views of aging alone around each of them.

Going “Deep”with Aging Alone

What does it mean to “go deep”? What’s to be found deep at the core of our thinking and feeling about aging, and about aging alone?

Well, again, I can only speak for myself here. However, the way I see and define the “deep issues” and “going deep” when it comes to the aging I’m doing and will continue to do alone, is as follows:

• Deep is a reflection of my history, and the many things that went into creating that history. And it connects my personal history to the history I share with all the women I knew and knew about who aged alone;
• Deep is at the source of my emotions. It’s that part of me that came from all the generations before me, and that carries the tactile responses and emotional wisdom of all who preceded me;
• Deep is the home of my beliefs, my fears, my prejudices, and my understanding of all that has meaning in my world;
• Deep holds the core of how I identify and define myself, and how I define everything else in light of my definition of self;
• Deep is the source of whatever meanings I attach to the fact of my aging alone. It is set in the bedrock of my core self. Yet it is also free to change as I change with each new experience over time.

The “Surface” I Construct As I Age Alone

I am a living being in a constant state of change. Everything I see, hear, smell, taste, and touch changes me – just as it does you.

Most of those changes happen over and over again at the surface level.

And most of them go unnoticed – at my and your surface level.

Every story of a woman aging alone connects to me as if by a spider’s thread, and becomes part of my story as I too age alone. It takes only a moment for that imprint to be set on the very pliable surface of my identity.

From there, it can disappear as easily as it came. Or, it can be reinforced over time and experience till it goes deeper into my being.

Change is constantly happening at the surface level. If one – or several – of those surface changes takes me by surprise, or shocks me into a different way of looking at and living in my world, who’s to say where the repercussions will next be felt?

What happens at the surface of our thinking and belief about who we are as women aging alone is potentially much greater than we imagine.

Much like a tiny droplet of water that – given just the right circumstances – inspires a deadly tsunami, or the most majestic of rainbows, we are wisest who choose to appreciate all experience for the opportunity it brings us.

Where the Scary Aging Alone Stuff Lives

So, where does the scary aging alone stuff live? It lives in every fiber of you and me.

It’s up to us to make it scary, or to take its energy and make it a powerful force for something else in our lives.

It’s up to us to deal with it, or to ignore it and let it eventually deal with us.

Whether deep or on the surface, the scary stuff is part of us. It’s part of you. And, it’s part of me.

Personally, I choose not to be afraid of what might be. I know where my aging alone monsters hide. I’m keeping an eye on them – for now.

Take Control of Your Aging Alone Monsters

How about you? Are your monsters hiding deep, or on the surface? Are you controlling them . . or …………?

Do yourself a favor and do a scavenger hunt on those aging alone monsters of yours.

Which ones are hanging out on the surface? And which have gone deep?

Make a list of them, and pay attention to the triggers in your life that make them more active – or bring new ones into the picture.

Pay attention to them. That’s the first step in taking back control.

Till next time then. Do you know where your monsters are?

Keep growing my friend,

Gail

Tagged as: Aging, Aging Alone, aging alone monsters, alone, assumptions, beliefs, change, control, women aging alone