Are you as tough on yourself – as unforgiving OF yourself – as I tend to be toward my self far too much of the time? Why is that, do you think?

I mean, it’s not like we’re hard core members in the world of evil doing sorts . . or are we?

Then again . . naaah.

And yet, I’ve done a lot of crappy things over the years. I’ve done a lot of things, and said a lot of things I’m not proud of. My conscience is full of nooks and crannies filled with old, stale shards of moldy guilt-like stuff.

Doesn’t that come with the territory we call aging? Or, more to the point: Doesn’t that come with the territory we call life?

Each new “mess up” – big or small – and we make life that much harder for ourselves by holding on to the hard . . nurturing it . . and refusing to let it go.

Each new mistake, misplaced word, or hurtful action, and we slam ourselves for yet another in our ongoing series of faults.

And we – you and I – have been doing these same things for how many years now . . building up the piles of our inner sense of horribleness?!

I mean, let’s be honest with ourselves: HOW COULD YOU I BE SO STUPID! not

(Sorry. I was secretly talking to me there. I’m sure you never say such horrible, nasty things to yourself, right?)

Not just that, though. Whatever the degree of “bad” we commit, we seem destined to keep reminding ourselves over and over again of what terrible people we are . . and how we deserve whatever equally terrible curse might befall us as a result.

Maybe it’s all the “Thou shalt not’s” we grew to embrace and internalize through the years.

You just have to love it, don’t you?

The BAD

But let’s think just for a second of the many times we do damage . . like:

Putting your  priorities above the physical/emotional needs of your aging parents;

Wasting fragile resources;

Stomping your children’s hopes, talents, and dreams to within a hair’s breath of their existence . . sometimes killing those same hopes, talents and dreams completely (for the best of reasons, of course); or

Running your own body and soul into the ground in the name of whatever image it is you carry of love, success, or perfection.

Then, let’s not forget whatever role it is you play in the ongoing saga of war, pestilence, and plague. After all, you DID vote for  . . you know . . and he/they are doing it (whatever IT is this time) in your name.

Oh yeah, big hairy guilt stuff.

Not to worry, though. We pay. We let all those things feed on us and suck us dry with the guilt we wrap them in. It’s all quite egalitarian . . and long term.

And don’t even try to forget, not that you could. Guilt’s one of those ever handy, always with you, sorts of things. [click to continue…]

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