I could be wrong, but it seems to me that “Aging” must be a terribly dirty word. If not, what is the deal with people being so afraid to use it in general conversation?
I mean: It’s just a word, right? It doesn’t have magical, mystical, horrifying powers.
It’s just a word.
Then again . . . . . .
The thing is, we’re such an ‘out there’ kind of culture. If “AGING” is truly a raunchy, dirty, filthy-minded word, I would think we’d be falling all over ourselves to say it. But are we? Hell Heaven forbid no!
Media avoids it like the plague – except as tragedy, comedy, and farce. The movies aren’t much better.
And what are young people hearing in school, and on the streets from peers and their own middle-aged parents? Not THAT, of all things!
It must be REALLY bad. (And you’d think that would make it REALLY good, wouldn’t you?)
Yep, I’m thoroughly confused too.
The Power Of The (Aging) Word
Just think for a moment about your own conversations: How often do YOU use that (AGING) word?
What do you use instead?
Do you have some kind of a secret code – a gesture or handshake maybe – that signifies you’re heading into dirty minded (AGING) talk . . . and that proper YOUNG women and children should leave the room before their good minds are tainted by it?
From all the discussion I’ve been hearing and reading of late, it seems the (AGING) word has gained more power over us than we want to believe. It shouldn’t be surprising, I guess. We give aging our fear, and it takes our power.
Simple enough life equation.
And of course, being unable to let anything so powerful find its own natural level, we fight it to get back what it’s taken from us. We climb in with all our worries and horror stories about what it – AGING – could mean for us somewhere down the road, and in so doing we make it even more powerful than it was when we started – at least, more powerful in our own minds.
Go figure.
Ah yes. Mind over mind.
But then, it rarely turns out well does it?
The way I see it, that (AGING) word is like so much else in life over which we really have very little control. We fear it. We hate it. We take its name in vain. But we can’t let it go.
We approach all the filthy dirty-ness of that (AGING) word much as we would approach mud wrestling. Wallow on in. Yell. Scream. Throw it down. Rage a little. Try to hide. Get thrown down. Rage a little more. Climb back out of the tank . . just as dirty as your opponent.
Win. Lose. Draw.
Realize: We’re fighting a word here . . an image . . a ghost! Do we feel any better for the effort?
And, as long as we’re already mucking up to our hip boots in trying our midlife best to somehow alter the filthy stuff, let’s admit once and for all what we’re really up to (closet windmill fighters that we are): Fighting that scary dirty (AGING) word, is like fighting air. It’s silent. It’s quick. You never know quite what it’s up to.
So, what do we do?
Enter The “Anti” Word
We turn it into something more digestible . . easier to swallow so to speak.
Instead of shaming our elders and children with such filth talk, we soften it. We coddle it. We hide it behind that little foolishness of a precursor, “anti”.
That way maybe it will blend with other, less offensive words, and eventually disappear from the common tongue all together.
On the other hand, we have added “anti-AGING” right in there with all the other nasty “anti-type” vulgarities, like: anti-smut, antithesis, antidisestablishmentarianism (I’ve always wanted to use that dirty little word!), anticlimax, and antiseptic. And the list goes on and on.
Aha! Great plan: If you can’t fight it (and win), make it easy to ignore!
The thing is: If all we do with the (AGING) word is turn it inside out and hide it among all the world’s other anti’s, how do we talk about our expectations, fears, worries for life’s second half?
Why Are You Fighting A WORD?
How do we really fight all the painful expectations we pile into that (AGING) word?
If you can’t speak it, you can’t fight it.
If you can’t speak it, you can’t have a civil conversation with it, or with others about it.
If you can’t speak it, how do you live within it? How do you expand it? How do you see beyond it? You don’t. At lease, you don’t easily.
And that’s why I have some serious misgivings about all the energy that’s going into anti-AGING.
For some strange reason, people seem to think the “anti” part cleans up the rest of the word. It doesn’t. It’s like putting your hands over your eyes and pretending no one else can see you. Fuzzy thinking at its best.
Like everything else, it you want to conquer a word, you have to use it. You have to get comfortable with what it is and what it means.
You don’t have to be friends, but you DO have to be civil. AGING has nothing against you or me. It might even prove beneficial to know it better – on kinder terms.
It’s a word.
Clean it up. Dust it off.
Speak to it.
Use it.
Make it part of your vocabulary, and you won’t need to hide behind “anti” when it enters your thoughts.
And won’t that make the whole thing a bit easier to deal with?
You bet it will.
Tell me: What’s your relationship with that (AGING) word? Are you working well together? Are you working things out together? Not squabbling, are you? Share your story – How did you bring that word out of the closet and into the sunlight? Or, what’s stopping you?
Keep growing my friend,
Gail
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Age is scary because so many of us dread getting older because honestly it’s like your getting closer to death but age is wisdom for me.
Okay Misty, so what I hear you saying is some people fear aging because the older you get the closer you get to death. But you could die any time . . Death and aging aren’t absolutely tied together, though the older we get the less life lies ahead than behind. (It’s been said that we should live our lives as if we were going to die tomorrow, which certainly adds perspective.)
But back to your note: You close by saying that for you, age is more closely tied to wisdom. (Just as a quick challenge: I know plenty of children who seem very wise indeed, and plenty of old folks who are far less wise than one might hope.) So, is the aging you imagine a good or a not so good thing compared to that of others who – as you say – dread it? There’s no right or wrong answer. Just stuff to think about.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Misty.