Whose Dreams Are More Important Than Your Own?

Many years ago, when I got married, I set almost all of my dreams on the back burner because the stove front only had room enough to hold the dreams of one person. And, by tradition, I believed that the dreams of the man I loved – my husband – outweighed those of anyone else – particularly me.

Okay, I was semi-young and in love. It made no difference at that point that I was also a semi-women’s libber, and had been on my own for more than a couple years (i.e., I HAD DREAMS OF MY OWN!).

Looking back, I can say with some authority that I did as my mother and her mother before would have done – and did, more often than not. But that did not make it right for their time nor our own. It didn’t make it right for any time, to be perfectly honest.

It was simply what had always been . . since the beginning of time . . a tradition.

But times change, and we grow.

Let Me Strongly Suggest

So, let me pass along some hard won insight. If you have adult or nearly adult children and haven’t done this yet, make it a point to tell your daughters and sons. Actually, make it a point to tell yourself as well:

> Do not do what I did. Never sacrifice your dreams for another. You will end up resenting either the sacrifice or the person to whom you sacrificed – or both. In any case, you won’t live happily ever after by putting yourself and your dreams last; and

> Dream sacrifice is not a sign of love. Nor is it a show of respect – certainly not self respect. The fact is, it shows only how little value you place on yourself and your own dreams; and

> Run as fast as you can from anyone who asks you – or even worse, expects you – to give up your dreams in favor of theirs. That isn’t love. It’s selfishness; and

> On all counts, just don’t do it.

> You are so much more than that! Both you and your dreams deserve better.

There. Done. Said it. Now let’s all promise to believe it, okay?!

And, before you start shaking your head and saying things like, “But I love him/her. I’m willing to put my dreams aside for his/hers. That’s what love does.” Let me say, “NO NO NO NO NO that is not what love does . . at least that that is not what REAL love does unless that person you love so much is just as willing to set their dreams aside and put yours first.”

And if that’s the case, enjoy your love-fest. And have fun taking turns with the dreams.

But that’s not how it usually works. It’s a competitive world. Someone almost always comes out on top – in the living of dreams as well as the living of life.

We women are typically the ones who do the sacrificing. And we do it so very well that is seems natural.

We do it for the one we love. Ahhh, sweet sweet love.

We do it for our children – whatever their ages. They’re our children. Maybe we can live through their dreams.

We do it for our aging parents. After all, they gave up their dreams for us, right?

We do it for our friends.What are friends for?

We may even do it for a stranger on the street if they touch our heart in that way everyone seems to know how to do. What’s  your own dream worth when some else needs you, right?

Umhm, sure. Just keep believing that.

Then again, think about it.

Your Dreams Matter MORE

I’m not saying other people’s dreams don’t matter. I’m saying they don’t matter any more than yours. I’m saying you benefit no one by putting yourself and your own dreams last.

I’m saying your dreams deserve equal time. In fact, they deserve more than equal time when it comes to your life and your world and your aging.

I’m saying your aging needs your dreams as much as your dreams need to be nurtured and recognized as yours.

I’ve truly come to believe that the most miserable among us – particularly among the old – are the ones who gave up their dreams along the way, and forgot where they’d put them.

Like anything else: Sacrifice a dream long enough, and you eventually risk forgetting it ever existed. Once you’ve forgotten you had a dream, it doesn’t matter how much you’re willing to sacrifice.

In my book of life: It isn’t old age that makes us unhappy. It’s having no dreams left to guide us and keep us company . . and challenge us as we grow old. That, my friend, is the true cause of unhappy aging.

You don’t want to go there.

I certainly don’t want to go there!

And, though I can’t speak for you, I can say that I for one am committed to NOT going there!

My Challenge To Me – and to You

I am committed to seeing how many of my dreams I can rescue from all the stuff in my past (i.e., That old-time-sacrificial-”I don’t really need my dreams because yours are so much more important than mine”-crap – on all counts), because no one else’s dreams are more important than mine!

And I am further committed to gathering up all of those wayward dreams of mine, and challenging myself to step out of my head games and let those dreams and my heart guide my aging.

BIG STUFF!

Certainly for me anyway.

How about you? Do you want to join me in the challenge? My dreams would love the company.

No dream sacrificing allowed, of course.

What fun!

And remember always: No one’s dreams are more important or worthy of being realized than your own! No one’s.

.    .    .    .    .

Can you promise to remember that? (No one’s)

Will you take the commitment with me?

Can you imagine doing it, even if you can’t commit to it? (Small steps are most wonderful!)

Please tell me what you think – what your heart and your dreams think.

Keep growing my friend,

Gail

Tagged as: Aging, dreams, old age, sacrifice