Comments on: What Alarms YOU About Aging Alone?

By: Gail McConnon

Gail McConnon — Mon, 25 May 2009 23:40:00 +0000

I’m glad you find my posts beneficial to the people you serve, Robin. Please let me know if there’s anything they’re looking for that I might be able to provide to help them through this time. I’d be glad to do it.

By: Robin

Robin — Mon, 25 May 2009 16:14:13 +0000

This is a great resource for my hospice volunteers. We often see the spouse who is left alone and faced with the fears and stress of dying alone, of living alone.
I will add this blog to my community forums at http://volunteertrainingonline.ning.com/

By: Jeri

Jeri — Fri, 22 May 2009 17:02:56 +0000

I agree, living is the important thing. Most of us, though we often don’t know it, have little time for anything but living. I’m sure that there are those who can live well while alone, however, for some of us life is much richer in a crowd, even if only a crowd of two.

By: Gail McConnon

Gail McConnon — Fri, 22 May 2009 16:34:13 +0000

Point taken, Jeri. The thing is: For those of us whose decisions aren’t quite so meta as commanding troops to certain death or dropping bombs on noncombatants, it’s the ages themselves that are of little significance.

What matters is of the moment, because that’s where we do our living. If loneliness – or aloneness – are eating up mental and emotional capacity, there’s little room for that living to happen. The goal here is to open a path for living, and then to help the path expand across the field of loneliness till living is the important thing – and loneliness, no more nor less a driving factor than any other part of life.

By: Jeri

Jeri — Fri, 22 May 2009 12:45:25 +0000

I am certain that you are right because your writing reveals a beautiful and complex soul. I, on the other hand, am a more simple organism. I have learned that the only way for me to stop worrying is for me to stop worrying.

It is often good to be alone but loneliness is very hard work. A General commanding troops to their certain death, now that is loneliness. A President, deciding to drop a bomb on noncombatants is loneliness. For the rest of us loneliness is often self imposed and not very important to the ages.

By: Gail McConnon

Gail McConnon — Thu, 21 May 2009 21:33:48 +0000

You’re definitely right on one level, Jeri. THe thing is: when someone’s in the midst of worrying, stressing over, panicking about, and revving up the alarms . . that choice point disappears from conscious thought. The goal in each case is to peel back the stress and reintroduce choice in a way that the person can wrap their mind around while the stressor that hid that choice from them is still in the room. Dis-arm the stress and return choice to its rightful owner, and you’re heading for home.

By: Jeri

Jeri — Thu, 21 May 2009 19:52:45 +0000

I must admit that your list of alarms is truly alarming. But, it is my experience that most alarms are false alarms and reacting to them as if they were really alarming gives power to our most vivid fears. I can understand how aging alone might cause one to fear being alone but, in fact, being alone is almost always a choice we make.