Do you spend a fair portion of your time comparing yourself and your accomplishments, family, finances, problems, views, and all the rest of it, against other people?
What does that do for you, exactly? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Or, does it make you feel worse?
Does it make you feel good about life? Or, does it make you just a bit miserable in the state of your state of life?
Don’t worry. I’m not keeping tabs on you. I do it, too. We all do it. It’s kind of built in, in an insidious sort of way.
We like to know how we stack up against others who are like us. Actually, we really like to know how we stack up against people we imagine to be better than we are – or to have more than we do.
And the thing is: We don’t usually even realize we’re doing it.
After all, who does it hurt? We’re just comparison shopping, aren’t we?
Maybe.
Then again, how do we like it when others compare themselves against us? That doesn’t feel quite so innocent, does it?
And we do it in the strangest ways . . trying to make sure we don’t come out on the short end . . trying to make sure we’re not “cheated”.
Is the world really so sinister?
I do hope not.
But like I said, I do it too. I’m determined to stop, though.
Comparison shopping can get so out of hand! Let me explain.
I Was Caught Comparing Coffee!
This past Sunday morning, like most Sunday mornings, I trekked out just on to the soft edge of our village wilds to get a good cup of coffee and a little mental stimulation at the River Road Coffeehouse.
And, since it was a particularly chilly fridigly cold day, and since I figured I deserved it, I ordered the biggest cup of coffee they had. I mean, the BIGGEST . . with plenty of room for cream (importants stuff for midlife bones, you know).
Ahhh, peace amidst the solitudinal chaos of my every other day life. Okay, a bit of a caffeinated peace, but none the less . .
So there I was, blissfully sipping my large Sunday brew. Conversations all around. Friends. Friends in the making. It was all quite lovely, until . . . . .
My cup was empty. Hmm, that went fast.
Oh well.
Actually, it really was time for me to get moving. I gathered up my things and started heading back to the counter for a refill before once again facing the January cold.
But wait!
To get to the front counter, you kind of have to meander through the other rooms. And you see things you might not have noticed before while meandering – with an empty coffee cup in need of replenishing. And what I saw kind of troubled me just a bit.
I wonder . . . . . .
Did they really give me the LARGE size cup I’d asked for? After all, I’m a sipper. It can take me years to reach bottom. And this one disappeared awfully fast.
And, the person at that other table – the one across the room – looks to have a much bigger cup than mine. Actually, mine seems kind of puny in comparison.
Did they really give me as much coffee as they gave to her . . or to him? Did they really give me the biggest cup? Maybe they misunderstood.
Maybe they . .
Interesting, isn’t it? The eyes seem to do a little slight of hand when it comes to my cup versus your cup – yours, always appearing to be the larger.
And the mind plays right along. In fact, the mind seems to absolutely love ventures into comparison shopping.
The mind can feed us such crap . . and we take it . . and we roll around in it . . and we go back for more. And the mind, loving a challenge, seems to repeatedly take new-found delights in upping the stakes (i.e., providing more crap for the rolling around).
“Comparison Shopping” Seems So Natural
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why are we constantly looking for ways to hold ourselves up as being better than the next guy, or much worse – worse?
Why do our minds seek out slights of hand, even when none are in play?
Why, oh why, do we comparison shop our way through life?!
Okay, so Mom and Dad taught us early how to find the best deals on things. But we’re not talking about “things” here. We’re talking about life. We’re talking about living our lives – our full lives – either in peace or competitive mind games with the only person we will ever be – US.
We’re talking about setting ourselves up to be miserable for no good reason (not that there is ever a good reason, really). And we all do it.
I know. I spent years comparing myself to my older brother. YEARS! (Okay, I still do to a certain extent. Old habits can be really tough.) When you get right down to it, though, he and I are so different from one another on so many levels. It kind of defeats the whole reason for comparing, if you know what I mean.
The way I figure it, I’m a work in progress. And that comparison stuff? It’s part of the progress.
I just have to face the fact that sometimes progress can be pretty slow.
. . and so . . the rest of the story
So, there I was in the coffee shop – at the counter – ordering a refill – a LARGE refill.
And I held my cup up and asked, “Did I really get the LARGE size coffee? This seems smaller than the one I just saw in the other room.” (It helps to explain fully, particularly when you’re setting yourself up to look a little foolish.)
And the guys behind the counter exchanged knowing glances, while one of them said, “People ask us that all the time. It must be something about the light. If you look on the bottom of the cup, though, you’ll see a little “L.”.
In other words ……… They’d gotten it right the first time – LARGE.
Boy did I feel small.
And as I headed back outside and into the cold January air, I started to laugh – at myself.
Yep, still a work in progress. Still a mental comparison shopper. Trying to stop. Still work to be done. Not done yet.
. . . . .
How about you? Do you live your life comparison shopping – either right up there for everyone to see, or in your mind? By any chance, are you like me and trying to stop? Fun, isn’t it? I’d love to hear your stories. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please share.
Keep growing my friend,
Gail
Get the Blog via RSS
Get the Blog by Email
Follow Me on Twitter
Join Me on Facebook
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Ummm…yes on the comparison thing. And yes to working on it.
I especially do it with how much I can get done in a day and how much other people seem to get done in a day. As if we’re racing to the finish line to see has more stuff checked off the to-do list and more things that are for sale on their websites. Ugh.
When what I’d *really* like it to be like is that I’m so satisfied and proud of myself for doing things my way and at my pace. Maybe that could be something I put on my next to-do list actually: Do these tasks my way. Do these tasks at my own pace. (Then see if I can do that.) Hmm. Might actually work!
Absolutely, Mona! You know, when all is said and done, will it make one bit of difference who “won the game”? I seriously doubt it. Actually, my guess is that it will matter far more what we did to help than who got to the front of the helping line first.
So I say go for it – your way. Be yourself as only you can. I guarantee no one else can do it better.
{ 1 trackback }