Is It Time To ReMap Your Garden Of Midlife?

Midlife is an odd point in time . . mostly because it really isn’t a point in time at all.

Actually, in my picture of the world, midlife is a whole big old gangly glob of time and space. And because it goes on for so long, it’s kind of easy to get lost in its many tunnels and turnstiles.

I know, because I manage to get lost quite often. I guess tunnels and turnstiles were never my thing. Not that “lost” is necessarily bad, of course . . .

But what about you? Does your midlife seem to go out of its way to make you just a little crazy? Do its once interesting quirks now seem to set you on edge . . unlike the “simpler life” of your younger days of kids, work – starchy clean newness?

Then again: Are you sure all your current worries and stresses are REALLY the fault of that crazy, over-booked under-rested hair going gray world-weary midlife you and others have been known to wrap you in?

Trouble With Your Midlife Map?

Is it possible that there might be another cause or 2 for what’s going on . . like maybe . . your midlife map is upside down, or a little ketchup-stained wine-stained?

MAP?! “What map?!” you say.

You didn’t realize midlife came with its own map? Well, how on earth have you been getting around all these years? We both know you haven’t spent your midlife asking for directions, right?

Tell you what: Let’s just check a couple of things out to see where you and that map of yours might be crossing paths – or missing each other entirely.

Do you get lost every few years trying to find your way into and around your life’s Purpose? If purpose escapes you, you need the map. At the very least, you could probably use a good picture of where you’ve been and how things look where you are now. You DO know where you are now, right?

Do you have difficulty keeping track of yourself in the meandering streets of Meaning? (Winding through meaningless parking lots in the land of Midlife can be murder!) Meaning . . purpose . . It can all just get so confusing when the map’s out of sync with the direction you want your life to go.

Does Authenticity-Town seem to get some perverse kick out of constantly changing its street names – without advance warning? Ahh, yes. Authenticity. You have to stay on top of it all the time, don’t you . . unless, of course, you already know who you are.

Or, is it that ever-expanding mirage in Letting-Go-burg that has you so twisted and tied in knots? Letting go indeed. Is it a matter of consciously letting go, or of no longer trying so hard to hold on . . and to what? Children grow up and leave. Old friends disappear. Aging parents die.

Our childhood dreams of the “perfect life” seem to change without so much as asking our permission.

Power. Connection. Control. Nothing remains as it once seemed. Midlife is full to the brim of letting go.

(I can see how you’d get lost in a place like that.)

Here a map. There a map.

Hmmm . . Maybe you didn’t get a map after all. Strange, but I guess that sometimes happens.

Then again: Maybe your maps are simply out of date. You know the ones I mean. Those maps you carry around inside your head and your body, to get you where you think you want to go.

Yep, those are the ones. When was the last time you re-drew those babies?

When was the last time you checked to see if some held directions to places you no longer wanted – or needed – to visit? (Don’t tell me you’re still carrying your parents’ maps in your head? Those don’t even have your name on them. No wonder you’re lost!)

And when was the last time you tossed away the maps containing memories you’d moved beyond? (Don’t go saying you’re holding on to them because you might some day want to revisit whatever that place once was you and your first love had that little thing of yours.)

If it’s time to let go of a memory, it’s time to let the whole thing go – for good.

You know the adage: If the memory isn’t feeding your soul, it’s sucking the life out of it. (Okay, I just came up with that one, but it could some day be an old adage.)

What you have to remember is that our maps are constantly changing – being redrawn. It’s part of the package that comes with life.

And we have to keep up with the package. That’s part of the deal!

The thing is: We get into trouble when our inner maps conflict with our outer maps – when the picture of life we’re carrying around in our heads, doesn’t match the outer reality of the life we’re living.

I don’t think it’s fatal, but it can be troublesome.

The old maps we insist on carrying around with us can come from many places – often not the best, or the best for us, places in our lives. But until we learn to redraw them, we’re stuck with them. And that can cause us problems.

For instance, do any of your midlife maps contain:

> Childhood fairytale worlds that you might have created to cover over harder realities back when you were a kid?

> Old worn out beliefs about the world, and your place in that world?

> Hurts, slights, inner pains of whatever source that you keep nearby to remind you not to trust yourself, or anyone else too much?

> Judgments for and against yourself . . How else are you to know where you stack up against everyone you think you’re competing against? How else are you to know where you fall down?

> All the heartbreaks and losses you’ve suffered over the years? (Tell me . . what does holding on to these do for you, exactly?)

> Misunderstandings and “imagined failures” that still haunt you in the dark of night?

> Dreams you had for your children, who seemed to have their own other dreams . . or simply rejected yours because they were your dreams rather than theirs? Were those dreams really for your children? Or were they yours all along? (You still have plenty of time to go after them, you know.)

> Emptiness, loneliness . . all those things that tell you you’ve somehow failed if you’re alone, divorced, widowed, alone? Except we both know there’s no failure in being alone – whatever the reason. And the emptiness and loneliness truly aren’t by-products of “alone”.

Maps. Aren’t they great?!

The thing is: We create them. We get to change them.

We get to redraw our inner maps over and over again with each breath we take, to reflect the strong, resilient midlife adults we continue to be and become.

Sure we have flaws. We’re human. Our maps show us where they are, but we get to choose to live in the flaws . . or to grow beyond them.

Personally, I choose to keep growing. How about you?

Plant your midlife garden well my friend. And as each new understanding comes up, map it well. If it fails to serve your purpose somewhere down the road, redraw the map with new growth and new understanding. It’s a never-ending job.

It’s a never-ending joy!

May your midlife garden be filled with new growth. And may your maps always show you the way.

Keep growing my friend,

Gail

Tagged as: aging parents, Authenticity, beliefs, control, judgments, Letting Go, loneliness, losses, maps, meaning, memory, Midlife, midlife map, purpose