How Do You Forget A Memory?

Is losing a memory the same as never having one?

Where does a memory go to hide when it doesn’t want us to find it?

How do you forget a memory? And once you forget it, will you recognize it if it ever returns? What if it changes shape in the time that’s passed since it was fresh – in your mind?

The last time we talked, I shared some thoughts on forgetting, and what all of our midlife forgetting could actually be trying to tell us.

Questions Of Memory

Today, I just want to hang out in Memory Land for a little while longer, and take a look at what comes up. (In case you hadn’t noticed, what comes up in my little corner of the world are mostly questions. Oh-h-h-h-h JOY! QUestions! YEA!!!!)

Just do us both a favor and don’t let the questions overwhelm you. They’re just questions. You can hang out with them, or set them aside. And you can always come back. Questions are patient, even if some of your memories aren’t.

So, why do some memories just keep hanging on and hanging on . . even when we think we’re done with them? Could it be we aren’t (done with them, I mean)?

What if the memories we try hardest to forget can’t let go of us because we can’t let go of them? What if we’re putting so much energy into telling ourselves we’re sick of them and want to forget them that we’re actually drawing them to us?

Basically, we’re thinking about them too much. What if the memory wants to leave, but can’t because you or I won’t let it go? We’re really not very good at letting stuff go, are we?

Or, could it be that some memories are simply so used to being with us that even though we’re done with them, they don’t bother leaving? I mean, what else is there for them to do?

And maybe those are the ones that glom on and become part of us . . Kind of in a symbiotic sort of way . . and every so often when we refresh our memory, we realize those memories are defining us more than we’re defining us. (Probably not the best move.)

Memories truly are amazing things, don’t you think? The more pressure we put on them to stay, the more anxious they are to leave . . and not come back . . at least till we agree to treat them better.

And the more we try to annoy them and get them to leave, the more trouble we have getting them out of our heads (i.e., the harder they hang on). Sounds kind of like certain people in my life, to me. . but that’s another story for another time.

Aging: Forgetting & Remembering

Memory.

You realize, of course, that there’s an aging component to all the forgetting we do . . and all the remembering we try to do in life’s second half.

In fact, in the coming and going of time, remembering becomes very important to us.

And it’s not important like it was back when we were kids cramming for the next day’s test.

No, this kind of remembering is important on a much deeper, life-affirming level.

This kind of remembering is all about trying to bring back the little snippets of our lives that will tell us if and how our being here really mattered . . how we contributed that made a difference. (Totally heavy. Totally vital to healthy aging.)

The thing is: You and I both know that an awful lot of forgetting goes on as we move through life. And the remembering we’re going to have to do – when we get to that later point – requires a great deal of concentration to separate one memory strand from another in our mind’s mass of semi-forgotten data storage banks.

And seeing as this is such important work . . and seeing as far too many elders start this work late in their lives and never really have a chance to hack their way through the memory jungle they carry in their heads . . and find the gems they’re hoping will solve their deepest life questions  . . something occurred to me.

(More questions . . you gotta’ love it!)

Just A Thought To Consider

Let me just throw this out for you to consider. You’re more than welcome to take it or leave it as you see fit.

Okay, so we agree that the constant influx of information that goes on throughout our lives is enough to send our brains into overwhelm . . to which they respond by dumping whatever wads of information haven’t been in use for a while, or are past-dated, or generally are not particularly valued, right?

That’s just part of the deal. Too much stuff coming in = dump and/or explode. (Personally, I vote for the dump.)

But, just because some little bit of knowledge isn’t particularly needed when we’re – say – 30, doesn’t mean it won’t be the most important thing we ever knew (okay, exaggerating just a little here) some day in our late 80′s . . maybe even sooner if we start thinking about our legacy before nature calls us to.

And that’s just the point: How much more do you imagine we could understand about ourselves – and life in general – if we just started a little sooner to examine the lives we’ve lived?

How much of your life have you never shared with the people you love, but perhaps would gain a new perspective of yourself if you did?

How many old memories could you dredge back up to add to that journal you’ve been thinking about writing?

How much have you not quite forgotten, that would make you laugh in the remembering?

And how much do you imagine you could lighten the legacy load when you reach your 80′s and 90′s if you started sorting it out in your 50′s and 60′s?

Just a thought, of course.

I don’t know about you, but my “forgetter” is in prime form lately. It seems to me I’d be doing myself a major favor to start digging for gold now while my inner sight is still good enough to see it glittering in the sunlight. I wouldn’t want to miss anything of value, you see. (It’s not that I wouldn’t re-assess it later. It’s just that I’d know where it was to go back and re-assess when the time came.)

How about you? How many memories you really don’t want to lose are you forgetting – every minute?

Just a thought.

Keep growing my friend,

Gail

Tagged as: Aging, Forgetting, healthy aging, legacy, memories, memory, Midlife, remembering