Cut Your Alzheimer’s Risk With 20 Great Ways To NOT Age Alone Alone

Did you realize that an incredibly strong link exists between living (aging) alone in middle-age and developing dementia or Alzheimer’s disease later in life?

As tough as it is to admit, it seems to be true.

A scientific study just came out that says we (you / I / middle-aged adults who live alone) are twice as likely to end up with dementia as our midlife friends and relatives who are married or living in a relationship – even a bad relationship.

And if we’re divorced or widowed . . hello . . our odds jump to x3!!

Now, I’m not much of a gambler, but I do understand risk. And I don’t like what that study says to me . . particularly since I’m a divorced middle-aged woman who is living/aging alone.

(Okay, not entirely alone. But I didn’t see any mention in this findings brief on the obviously positive effect of dogs and cats and critters overall in reducing my chances of cognitive decline in the years ahead. Damn! Oh dear.)

Lions and Tigers and Teddies, OH MY!

So what am I supposed to think here? Are the science gods hurling smirky-eyed, brain-deadening thunderbolts at me – and at all of us who by choice or circumstance are living and aging alone?

Is it a big fat experiment to see how many of us they can push into – or scare back into – relationships or one sort of other (let’s face it, this is scarey stuff!) with Alzheimer’s threats?

Or, is it something else all together?

Is it, just maybe, a confirmation of what we already know is true?

When our Living Alone is driven by “alone, lone, lonely” (i.e., isolation) rather than by all it is in our power to do to be really “Living”, we’re asking for trouble . . far more trouble than we might care to realize.

When we’re pushing away rather than pulling toward, and we’re shutting out rather than opening up and welcoming in, we cut ourselves off from what we most need to age well – involvement with other people . . . and critters (who by my last count are people, too).

And it’s not usually a conscious choice. It far more often happens without our even thinking about it, much less intending to do it.

I know. I’ve lived alone for most of the last 20 years.

And I became quite expert during the first part of that time at hiding from the rest of the world.

There I was – me . . divorced . . in my own mind a throw away . . alone . . just struggling to value myself and my sense of who I could be separate from the married woman I believed I was expected to be .

And without the slightest thought or effort, that state of alone – that thing I pushed away as hard as I could at first – very quickly became the most comfortable place for me to simply be . . alone.

I can’t speak for you, of course, because we all deal differently with our states of alone. But for me, being and living alone grew to be a refuge – a warm blanket I could wrap myself in – where no one could hurt me.

(And, if you’re already hurting, that blanket feels mighty good – even when it isn’t good for you.)

It wasn’t a label I shared with others. But the isolation it represented came to define my life and me in it for way too long.

And that’s not good. That “all alone in my alone world” is what this study is saying we must change in order to reduce our risk of the thing most of us fear more than anything else we fear about growing old: Dementia and it’s most dreaded cousin, Alzheimer’s.

So, what can we do? What can I do? Here I am – living alone for the last 20 years. Am I doomed?

Is every lost key or forgotten name the first sign of what might await me? Maybe. But not likely.

Seems to me, it’s “Get a Grip Time”.

(It’s also “Why in heaven’s name did it take those brilliant brain analyzing scientists till now to realize what it would have been helpful for them to tell me 20 years ago, but didn’t” time.) Oh well.

So again, what can we do now that we know what we didn’t know 20 years ago . . and probably wouldn’t have changed what we were doing 20 years ago had we known anyway because we were too young and foolish to pay attention?

20 Great Ways To NOT Age Alone Alone

Well, I’ve come up with a list of 20 great ways to not age alone alone. It’s not the be all and end all of great lists, but it’s definitely a start if you’re in a “warding off dementia vampires” frame of mind.

I’ll warn you right now that each of these is going to say something about not aging alone (hence the subtitle you see above).

We’re not talking here about not aging alone. It’s really quite alright to be aging alone.

Rather, it’s a matter of the degree of our aloneness.

We have to be aware of our tendencies to age alone . . alone, and then actively commit to doing the things that make each of us happiest and most fulfilled in not aging alone . . alone. You’ll see.

20 Great Ways To NOT Age Alone Alone:

1. Solitude and alone time = Good. Isolation = Not so good. Enjoy your solitude, but do whatever you have to to make sure your time alone doesn’t turn into a monster set on isolating you from the rest of life. In other words: Pay attention to yourself first.
   
2. As annoying as family can be . . if you have one, keep them in your life. (If you don’t have one, create one and let them annoy you a little.) A little friction is good for us. It keeps us thinking and feeling . . and loving . . all of which is most definitely important for living.
3. Get a DOG . . and a CAT! But at least, get a DOG! I’d have put that first, but some non-critter people might have called me biased – which I of course am. The thing is, dogs force us to get out and walk. Great for exercise. Equally great for socialization. Dogs also make us focus on someone other than ourselves – them. It’s all good. And cats, by the way, are just cool.
4. VOLUNTEER. It doesn’t matter where, with whom, or how. Just do it. It won’t take long till volunteering becomes part of how you define yourself, and how you fit in the world.
5. Find someone else who’s aging alone, and do it together
   (i.e., make a new friend). That way neither of you will be living alone in your individual heads. You can share living alone in each other’s heads till “alone” just becomes part of the picture rather than the whole canvas of your lives.
6. What would you most like to do with your time if you were spending it being alone? Do That! And find other people who DO THAT. And keep doing That and THAT till alone stops being …………… that.
7. If you have space in your world, open your house and your life to a young person
   (a college student or young working person). Let their energy and dreams inspire you, while your wisdom and understanding help to ground them.
8. If you have space in your world and your house, but aren’t particularly open to young person thinking,
   “Golden Girls It”. There are plenty of women just like you and me in our society who would love to share a home.
9. Create your own support network. You know the kinds of people who inspire you and who are inspired by you. And you know the kinds of people you like to be around and listen to. Your network can be around the corner, or they can be around the world. Surround yourself with those people. Be there for each other, whatever moods and situations you land yourselves in.
10. Take what you know best and share it with individuals or groups who need what you have to offer.
    You’d be amazed how much less alone you feel when you’re surrounded by others who need you.
11. Enjoy yourself damn it! Get out of your head and have a good time – whatever that means to you. It’s hard to play when you’re miserable, but even harder to be miserable when you’re having fun. Of course, it’s your choice . . but fun is just so much more ……………….! (that’s right)
12. Try something you’ve never done before.
    Expand your boundaries while you expand your horizons. Isolation is about tightening boundaries. The more we expand those boundaries, the flimsier they become. Try something new.
13. Reconnect with old friends. It’s so easy to do on the internet with all the social networking sites. See how much the people you used to know have changed, and how much more you have in common now than you ever imagined possible back then.
14. Give back in whatever way you can. You’ll be amazed at the returns.
15. Do you belong to a church? If so, stop hiding in the back pew. Join the choir. Get yourself on a committee.
    Put your beliefs into action where they’ll do some good for the larger group and community.
16. Find and Use your voice. Get politically and / or socially involved. Get radical if it fits.
17. Take some of that alone time to meditate.
    Get our of your head and into your better head.
18. If you’re retired, and being retired doesn’t fit your idea of your best self, find a part time – or even a full time – job. Get out of your own way and earn some money doing it. And if you don’t need the extra money, donate it where it can do some good.
19. Do something really BIG! Save the world as only you can. Join the Peace Corps. Or stay closer to home and join AmeriCorps.
20. Find a cause that matters enough to you to make it your cause. Leave your personal imprint on history.
21. Stretch yourself in every direction you possibly can.
    Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. S-T-R-E-T-C-H! It will do you good.

There you have it: 20 great ways to cut your risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease as you grow older.

How are you going to do it? Share your story & Inspire others.

Aging alone alone is no way to do it. Living alone alone is no way to do it. Each of us has far more to look forward to than anything alone alone can offer.

If you’re a woman in the middle of your life, and you’re living and aging alone, are you creating options of how you can live independently without doing it completely alone?

Are you doing something that’s not on this list? Add it so others can benefit from your creativity. Add it to help others climb out of their personal alone alone’s and into the light you’re shining.

Remember, it’s all good.

Keep growing my friend,

Gail

Tagged as: Aging, Aging Alone, alone, alzheimer's, Alzheimer's Disease, boundaries, dementia, divorced, isolation, living alone, middle-aged woman, Midlife, reconnect, solitude, This OLD Thing, widowed