Aging is a contradiction that holds each of us in a perfect balancing act among other competing contradictions. A slight push in one direction, an equally slight pull in another.
It’s true. Well, it’s pretty much true. The rest is artistic license. But follow my line of thinking anyway, if you would. It might actually hold something worth your consideration.
As I’ve mentioned here numerous times, aging is not a single point in time. It is a process. And within that process, contradiction rules.
Yet, for all the contradictions and all our many worries and questions, Aging has but one perfect response:
“Absolutely! And . .”
“Absolutely! And . . what?” you ask.
And Aging . . in its infinite wisdom, always answers back, “Absolutely, and YES!”.
I know. Aging loves to play games with us. Let’s forget about Aging’s commentary for a moment, and get back to its contradictions. The rest will work itself out as we move along.
In Aging, Contradictions Rule!
Contradictions. Opposites. Aging is full of them.
Just think of it for a moment, holding in each hand all the possible opposites Aging brings to your mind.
I’ve listed a few possibilities. They won’t all be true for you. Some might hold no meaning for you at all. I offer them just to help you stir your own pot. See what you think:
1. Old OR Young
2. To Have or To Gain OR To Lose
3. Wisdom OR Cognitive Decline
4. Strong OR Fragile or Weak
5. Perspective OR Loss of Sensual Acuity
6. Alive OR Dead, or Dying
7. Holding On OR Letting Go
8. One, Alone OR All, Together
9. Opening OR Closing, Shutting Down
10. Gaining, Getting, Having OR Being, Becoming
11. Control OR Sacrifice of Will
12. Authority OR Invisible
These are just a few of Aging’s contradictions – it’s “Either / Or’s” – that came rolling off my fingers. I’m sure you have many more.
But, what do they mean? And, why should they matter?
What does any of this mean in a world where we expect most things to make some degree of sense to us? At least, most things except aging . . which seems to make little or no sense in many of our minds.
Fair enough.
Re-Framing The Contradictions
What if we turn these 12 opposing concepts into something greater . . something really contradictory in scope? Would that help?
Let me reframe each of the opposing concepts I’ve listed above. This time, though, at them through aging’s lens of “Absolutely! And” rather than “either/or”.
See if you connect with the changes differently than you did with the comparative words alone:
1. As I grow old, I choose to remain forever young at heart.
2. Whoever I may lose through the years, I will always feel blessed in knowing how much I gained simply by having known at all.
3. Wisdom grows in the core of each of us, fully aware of our physical and cognitive decline. Wisdom is far larger than any of these things by which we value or devalue ourselves.
4. However fragile I may look in my advancing years, my will is stronger than that of one 10 times my size. Fear me, for my fragility is but an outer show and I will not cower before you.
5. Though my eyes may have weakened and my hearing dimmed, my perspective on life is stronger by far . . and any faint losses in sensual acuity which have made my abiding acquaintance will support me full-heartedly.
6. I grow older, day by day, fully aware that every moment I am alive I am dying . . but not yet dead. And that keeps me looking forward to what comes next.
7. The older I become, the more clearly I recognize that my grasp is finite. I cannot gather in and hold on to one thing without letting go of another, lest in the end I’ve no room to hold any.
8. I am one individual, aging alone as we all must age alone, a universe . . all (of me) together and complete unto myself.
9. As the years come and go, and I grow more clearly to know the deeper parts of myself, I find that I am ever more protective of my sovereignty. What does this mean? It means that I open myself to outside forces and shut down that which does not support me far more consciously and selectively than I did in my youth,
10. When I was young – and even not that long ago – life seemed to be all about gaining, getting, and having . . things, people, etc. The older I get, however, the more I realize the gifts to be gained not in having, but in being and becoming.
11. Control is not something we question in life’s first half. It simply IS. The older we get, however, the more our control comes into question as we are repeatedly asked – or even expected – to sacrifice our will to that of someone(s) younger than ourselves. Who might they think they are? And who, I wonder, do they think they’re dealing with?! Then again, might I not at the same time be in control while choosing to sacrifice my will to a greater cause than myself?
12. I fully intend to the end of my days that I might continue to have sovereignty over my self and my life. Sovereignty grants me authority, without which I might become invisible even to myself. Then again, authority that fits comfortable around us is just as invisible as the air we breathe.
Can You Age In Contradiction?
Sometimes, even that which contradicts supports a non-contradiction. And isn’t that just what our aging is all about?!
Many of us look so disparagingly upon aging. It’s seen as reducing and taking away from that place in our lives where we’ve dug ourselves a little hole and crawled in for comfort.
But life isn’t about being comfortable, is it?
No. It’s about living. It’s about change and adapting to change, and growing into and through change.
And if you aren’t doing that, it doesn’t matter your age . . because you’re dead inside.
Aging holds a contraction: There is no way to age well. But there are absolutely billions of individual ways to age perfectly . . . and!
“Absolutely! And”: Our Answer From Aging
. . . . .
What contradictions is aging bringing to you for your blessings as you move through midlife? And in how many of those have you found the “Absolutely! And” that it has waiting for you?
Please share your thoughts and stories in a comment on this post.
Keep growing my friend,
Gail
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